Truth or dare: twilight style R&R!
by ttwilighttlover101
Summary: READ THIS STORY. a fun story about truth or dare, funny and entertaining. takes place the summer after twilight. read and review please!
1. Chapter 1 and 2

Truth Or Dare Twilight Style

**(a/n) takes place the summer after twilight. MY FIRST STORY! Don't let that scare you away(:**

**Chapter one.**

Truth Or Dare Twilight Style

It was a typical summer day, and Edward and I were playing catch in the shade of my front yard. He tossed me the ball and I missed it. Again.

"Oh come on Bella," Edward Teased. "Catch it!"

"You keep throwing it too hard," I retorted.

"You wanna see hard?" He asked, eyeing me with humor in his golden eyes. "Stand back."

I stood next to him and he wound his arm back like a pro baseball pitcher. When he released the ball it flew through the air, probably landing in Canada.

"Great!" I exclaimed, "Now you have to buy me a new one."

He laughed. "Whatever you want"

My stomach growled. Stupid human needs. "Let's go inside," I suggested. "I need a snack."

We put our mitts in the laundry room and I shifted through the fridge until I found a bagel and some strawberry jelly. Edward went into the living room and collapsed onto my worn out couch. I was just getting a knife out when the phone rang next to me.

"I'll get it!" I called. I took the phone off its cradle. "Hello?"

"Hey Bella," Alice greeted me. "Do you and Edward want to come over today? We were thinking of having a family game night."

"Sure," I said.

"Ok come soon, bye!"

"Edward," I yelled. "Alice called and we're going to your house." I hopped into his Volvo and seconds later; he was sitting next to me starting the car. We arrived at the Cullen mansion only 5 minutes later. I was unbuckling my seatbelt and faster than I could blink Alice was ripping me out of the car and plopping me onto one of the plush couches in the living room.

Rosalie came in next, and hesitantly sat to my left. I gave her a timid smile and she smiled back. Just then Emmett came bouncing in with Alice, the floor shaking with Emmett's heavy footsteps and Alice's voice.

"ohmygoshbelllathisisgonnabesomuchfun!!"

Jasper came in with Edward, both of them smiling. Edward sat next to me and Jasper next to Alice.

"OK guys," Alice announced. "We're gonna have a vote between three games about which to play this afternoon. The first choice is a videogame tournament, with 2 person battles on several games." She paused to make a face. Clearly this was not the way she wanted to spend the afternoon. "The second option is makeovers, where each person will pick a wardrobe, which we will of course go shopping for, and makeup to model on the runway in my room." Jasper grimaced and shuddered. I could only imagine the horrors of what such a game would bring to us all if Alice was in charge. "The third game is truth or dare, and the game is self-explanatory."

We all thought about what to pick. "OK who picks videogames?" Alice asked. Only Jasper raised his hand.

"Makeovers?" Rosalie and Alice raised theirs.

"Truth or dare." Emmett, Edward and I raised our hands.

"OK truth or dare then," Alice said.

"ooohhh!! I call going first!" Rosalie exclaimed. She glanced at each of our faces one at a time. "Emmett, truth or dare?"

**Emmett's Pov**

I gaped at rose. What had I ever done to her to make her get revenge on me? She was smiling evilly at me. I was scared to say dare, but I was also scared of being called a sissy wimp for the next century. Jasper chuckled. I glared at him. Stupid empath.

I lifted my chin in an arrogant way and said, "dare"

Rose laughed evilly "muahahahahahahaha." She was really starting to creep me out. Maybe I should stay away from her for a few days. Edward Chuckled. I glared at him. Stupid mind reader.

"Ok then, Em. I dare you to eat the same food Bella eats for every meal for the next week." Holy crap. That was like asking me to commit suicide. Did she even know how disgusting human food was?

To make matters worse, Bella's stomach rumbled.

"You're not hungry AGAIN are you?" Edward asked her, incredulous.

"Hey! Bagels aren't very filling," Bella defended herself. "I'm in the mood for pizza. How about you Emmett?"

"Whatever you like, your highness," I said sarcastically.

"I'll go call for some," Edward announced, and rose from the couch.

"Ok Emmett, now it's your turn!" Alice said.

I grinned darkly. "I know." I stared at Rosalie; wanting to trick her into thinking I was out to get her. She seemed to see through it though, and started filing her nails. I could never stay mad at her, even though she just gave me a personal hell for the next 7 days.

"Jasper Truth or dare," I said. I expected him to say truth but he replied, "dare."

Hmmmmmm. I thought about all the possibilities. It had to be something that everyone would remember in forks.

"Emmett would you mind hurrying up?" jasper asked, exasperated. "Your concentration is giving me a headache."

"yeah yeah yeah," I said dismissively. I suddenly had an Idea. "Ok I got one. Jasper I dare you to egg and tepee mike Newton's house, dressed in a llama costume and yelling that this will protect him from the invasion of fairy leprechauns from Venus." I smiled. I was crazy and brilliant for coming up with this dare.

Bella stared at me. "That's the weirdest dare I have ever heard."

"I know," I said, my grin getting bigger.

Edward, who had finished calling for pizza, sat down next to Bella and put his arm over her shoulder. "Emmett if you smile any wider your face is going to crack."

Jasper glared at me. I suddenly felt a wave of guilt crash over me. "Stop That!" I yelled at Jasper.

"Sorry dude you deserve it," he retorted.

Alice was bouncing again. "Come on jasper, we have to dress you as a llama, remember?" And with that, she took him by the ear and dragged him upstairs. I was suddenly very annoyed.

"JASPER!!" Everyone chorused.

A few minutes later jasper ran, well galloped down the stairs. His costume was furry and a poopy brown color. His face was painted, and Alice had done so that it looked like he had a snout.

"Lets get this over with." Jasper growled.

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Edward said. "Its our pizza delivery."

I moaned oh my gosh this was going to be DISGUSTING! I will have to eat this pizza and cough it up later.

Edward laid the pizza on our coffee table and Bella sat down to eat. "mmmmmm," she inhaled. "It smells delicious. Thanks Edward." And she blew him a kiss. I gagged. Edward glared at me. "Ready for dinner?" he mocked.

"Oh shut up." Bella took a bite. "Give me a piece of that will ya?" I asked.

"Remember, em, you've gotta eat the same amount as Bella," Rose teased.

"How hungry are you bells?" I asked, worried. I had forgotten about this part of the dare.

"I'm ravenous," she replied, smirking. She handed me a piece of pizza and I lifted it to my mouth slowly. I opened it hesitantly and I felt all the venom leave my mouth. I quickly shoved the slice into my mouth and chewed. It felt sort of like chewing…. well the most disgusting thing you can think of, only I couldn't taste it. I somehow managed to swallow. When I was done I gave a shudder. Everyone was staring at me, even Bella. Well, at least she wasn't eating.

"That is so gross," Alice remarked. "HOW can you eat that stuff, Bella?"

"It's good," Bella defended. She finished her piece and grabbed another slice.

To my dismay, She ate half the pizza (had she done that on purpose?) And I was forced to choke down the other half. I almost died. Again. I can't believe I thought picking truth would make me a wimp. This was worse than anything I'd ever done. And that included letting Rose give me a manicure.

We left the house twenty minutes later, to start Jaspers dare.

**Chapter 2: Eggs and believers**

Jaspers POV

I was starting to get really nervous. What would mike think when I acted like a complete lunatic? I tried to control my emotions for Alice's sake (we were riding together) because I didn't want her to feel this way too. I could try to run away, I guessed. "Don't even think about it," Alice warned, somehow hearing my thoughts. Sometimes her power could be sooooo annoying.

We got to mike's house a few minutes later, hiding our car behind a hedge line. Wow. I raked my eyes over the dump. It was a dark gray, with small windows. The frickin house probably only had like 5 rooms. "Did you bring the stuff?" I asked Alice.

She was busy rummaging through the trunk. "Yes." She pulled out 2 cartons of eggs and a package of toilet paper. From the corner of my eye I saw Emmett poking his cam cord through the bush. "And so the llama man prepares for his psycho rampage," he said in a theatrical tone. I sent a wave of lethargy at him, and I heard him topple to the ground with a thump. Edward snickered.

Alice gave me my materials and I went around the bush until I was up mikes driveway. I opened my cartons of eggs and whipped them at the windows and siding. A few of them we aimed at mikes car, and one even cracked a window. I was careful not to use my vamp strength after that. When the eggs were gone, I heard the front door open. Mike was staring at me.

"Oh my gosh!!" he squealed. "It's a llama! In my driveway! HI MR LLAMA!! Can I pet you…oh pleaseplaeasepleaseplease?"

"ummmmm no?" I said, totally shocked. Then I yelled. "I AM HERE TO PROTECT YOU AGAIST THE EVIL LEPRCHAUNS OF VENUS. THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!" I felt absolutely ridiculous.

Mike came up to me and patted me on the back. "I totally believe you man. I was going to do this myself but I can't really afford toilet paper. You see, I use leaves."

I gaped in shock. "Give me some paper," Mike commanded. So I handed him several rolls, and together we tepeed his house. "Hold on a minute." Mike said.

He came back a minute later, wearing an identical llama costume to mine. "OK," Mike announced. "To finish the protection ritual we must sing the llama song."

"Llama song?" I repeated.

"Yah, the llama song!" Mike yelled. He grabbed my arm and we started square dancing.

_Oh the llama song is no ordinary song no no no_

_We dance and sing it all night long_

_All hail the llamas oh oh yea yea_

_Go llamas!_

He let go of me and started doing the worm, and singing in a soprano voice.

_If the llama song is sung by you_

_You will see the great things they can do_

_If you worship the llama lords_

_You will become a llama too! _

_GO LLAMAS!!_

He finished by doing the splits. "That was great, dude, come back soon," Mike said, giving me a high five.

"ummm ok," I said.

"See ya." He went back inside

I ran back to the bush and right into Emmett. "Jasper that dude is friggin psycho."

"No really?" I asked

"Bella," Edward said, wrapping his arm around her waist. "After seeing that, would you mind me teaching you some self-defense?"

"NO!" Bella said. "It might be useful someday."

We drove back home and sat around the living room again. "Bella, Truth or dare?"

**(A/N) There it is! the first five chapters. Every "chapter" in the heading will contain 2 of MY chapters, so that readers have less time to wait for a new one(: sorry if that was too confusing. BUT read and review! no flamers pu-leaze. 50 reviews are needed for the next update!! :**


	2. Chapter 3 and 4

Truth Or Dare Twilight Style

**Chapter 3: Totally despicable**

Bella's POV

OMC Why was jasper looking at me like that?? Oooohhh my Carlisle I'm scared. I should have said truth, I knew it, but I said dare anyway.

Jasper's demented grin got bigger. "Bella, I dare you to let Alice buy you a whole new wardrobe and give you makeovers every day for a month!! And nothing Alice buys for you can be less than 100.00."

"Noooooooooo!!" I cried. "No no no Jasper please please no! I can't have Alice buy me a new wardrobe! She'll spend thousands! She'll dye my hair!"

Jasper shrugged. "You should have thought of that before you picked dare."

I shot him a death glare.

"Don't worry Bella!" Alice chimed. Her soprano voice was excited. "I promise I won't spend more than 10,000. And you can try on everything I pick out for you to make sure you like them."

"But the makeovers," I wailed. "Ugggh I was so stupid to pick dare."

"Bella this is going to be so much fun!!" She grabbed my shoulders and started bouncing me up and down. Even though she was only 4'9'' she was jumping higher than me.

"NO NO NO NO!" I yelled, saying it each time she leapt into the air.

"Oh Bella lets go shopping now!" she squealed.

"Alice, It's sunny outside," Jasper pointed out. Alice pouted. "Fine. Well go tomorrow."

I suddenly grinned, remembering it was my turn. "Alice, truth or dare?"

**Chapter 4: hahahahahahahaha**

**ALICE'S POV**

I grinned at her. What was the worst she could do? I already got to give-- or rather force upon-- Bella a new closet and look. "Dare."

"Wrong choice Alice," she said in a singsong voice. My senses were then overcome by a vision. It was me, with green hair and orange lipstick smeared all over my face.

Oh crap.

"Like I said, wrong choice," Bella continued. "Alice, I dare you to NOT buy me a new wardrobe and NOT give me makeovers for a month. Also, I will give you a whole new makeover every day that you must display for a month and you have to wear things out of my closet for a week."

She grinned darkly. OH THIS WAS SOOOO ON!! So first, she undid her dare, and then forces an even worse one on me. At least I had a good sense of style. And now, I was stuck with oversized t-shirts and jeans for an entire week! I think I would rather die. Well, again.

"Wow Bella, I never knew you had it in you!" Emmett said.

"Yeah I know," she replied, grinning. "Why don't we give you a makeover now, Alice?"

I couldn't help it. I ran towards the door, but Edward beat me there. Bella looked shocked. "I was hoping you'd come with me alone, but I think you're going to need restraining."

"I'll do it," Rosalie sang. I growled. TRAITOR!!

So they dragged me upstairs.

**Bella's POV**

Rosalie and I plopped Alice down in her pink salon chair. Rose started tying her up, with steel chains. "I know she could break out of these, but it will make it more difficult if she tried to escape."

"OK." I nodded. "I'll go get the stuff." I went into Alice's closet. After a couple of minutes of searching, I found about 10 containers labeled: hair and makeup. I grabbed them all and brought them back into her cavernous bathroom. Rosalie was already done.

I opened up the box labeled: lipstick. Inside, there were at least 500 different lipstick tubes, and I was certain none of them were the exact same color. Rosalie walked up to me. "What color would you like? I can find it really easy." I thought for a minute.

"UMMM…I think I want to do the bottom lip yellow and the top one blue."

She rummaged. In a couple seconds she took out 15 different shades of blue and two of yellow. I picked an aquamarine blue and a yellow-orange.

We went through the boxes like that, Rosalie searching for the color of my desire. I swear, Alice has every beauty thing known to humans!

After the selection, we put it all on Alice. The final result was hilarious. She had green, red, and white highlights in her hair. Then, we had pulled it into rollers.

Her face was… (I will never say this again) ugly. We had spread dark brown foundation all over her face, and put carnation-colored blush over that. She kept squirming when we were putting on the eye shadow, so she had lime green eyebrows. Her lips were blue and yellow of course, and her eyes were lined with purple liner and red mascara.

Rosalie dragged her downstairs. "Hey there, rainbow face," Emmett snorted.

**Alice POV**

"Hi cheese face," I grinned.

Edward chuckled. "You've got a little bit of lipstick there on your teeth."

I licked off the nasty stuff.

"Ok, ok, ok. It's my turn now." Everyone shrank back. After doing a little mental math, I deduced that Rosalie and Edward were the only ones who hadn't been dared yet. Hmmmmm, I thought. Rosalie would be mad at me, but so would Bella if I dared Edward. But she would forget all about it when Edward changed her. Cough hack cough."Edward, truth or dare?"


	3. chapter 5 and 6

1**Chapter 5**

**Edward POV**

This was the worst pressure I had felt in a long time. More pressure than telling Bella what I was, compared to that this was nothing. Even though it wasn't a big deal to the rest of my family, and I had no idea why it was such a big deal to me. I didn't want to be the first of my family to pick truth, because I knew what Rosalie was thinking.

_I hope Edward doesn't pick me next! He would make me do something to ruin my reputation or my looks. Crap, I think I'll just pick truth._

After a minute of thought, I decided, "Dare." How bad could it be.

"Wow, Ed, I'm impressed!" Emmett exclaimed. What an idiot.

"Edward, I dare you to go on a date with Jessica. The date has to last more than 6 hours, and she gets to pick where you guys go, and if the date is outside then you have to cover all your skin and pretend you are a ninja."

"Thats prepostorous!" I exclaimed. "What would Bella think?"

"I would _think _that it wouldn't matter to me. It's only one date." She replied, but I could still see in her eyes that she did care. "I have her number in my phone," she continued.

I was shocked. Why on earth was she being so supportive of this? But I took the number from her and dialed the number.

"Put it on speaker," Jasper said.

"Hello?" Jess answered.

"Uh, hi Jessica," I replied.

"Bella? Is that you?"

"No, uh, um, this is Edward actually."

"OH!" She almost yelled. "Did you and bella FINALLY break up?!"

What could I say to that?

"We're taking some time apart.." I mumbled. I glanced over at Bella. Her face was beet red, and her heartbeat sped as she stared at the floor, and I felt luckier than ever that a girl like her would ever love a man like me.

"OH. MY GOD." Jessica shrieked. "Then why are you calling me, Edward?"

I cringed. "Well, actually I was wondering if you would like to go out with me tonight."

"Are you kidding me?" I could almost hear her thinking: _FINALLY he noticed me! Oh my god, This is my chance to steal him away from Bella _and she would sneer the name. _She's not even that pretty. I don't know what Edward- or mike, for that matter- sees in her. _

"No?" I replied, my voice cracked. If I could blush, I would be as red as Bella. But only because of Jessica's absolutely horrid thoughts towards my Bella. Ah, _my _Bella. I nearly smiled at the thought, but then I remembered my predicament.

"Well then, what do you want to do?" She squealed at the end.

"I was hoping that you would pick, actually." I hoped she didn't hear the sarcasm in my tone.

"Well, I think that you should pick me up in an hour, and that we should go see the new vampire movie, then omg then we should go to the lodge and then," her voice tried to become seductive. "Go back to my place. K see you. Bye."

I shuddered at the thought of all three, ironically enough especially about the vampire movie, I mean how could she pick something that, and she would expect me to share popcorn and pop with her, with I most definitely WOULD NOT do.

**ONE HOUR LATER, Chapter 6**

**Bella POV**

I could not BELIEVE Edward. Yeah, I might SAY that it doesn't matter, yadda yadda, its only one date, blah blah. Well, it DID matter. And he should know that. Which he probably did, considering that he would not let me out of his lap, considering that we had the whole night together, and every night after that for the rest of eternity. Once he finally decides to change me, that is.

"Bella," Edwardcomplained. "I really don't have to go through with this if you don't want me to." Well of course I didn't want him to. But I would never admit to it. So I insisted on telling him that he had to go, and I would be glad to flaunt Edward to Jess once we were "back together" at school again. And she calls me a friend.

"Time to goooo!" Alice trilled. Why was everyone so excited? It was the hardest for me. Watching the love of my life and my "friend" pretend to hit it off right in front of my face. I wonder if I could disguise myself as a french man and throw popcorn at Jess's ringlets.

Edward drove in his volvo, and the rest of us followed far behind in Emmett's huge jeep. Could we be any more conspicuous?

**Edward POV**

This was the worst day OF my one hundred and ten years. I arrived at Jess' house, which was actually very small and unkept, with pink curtains that kept shuffling as Jess peeked out to see if I had arrived yet. She ran outside, tripping on nothing and getting her face dirty.

I laughed. But I had to stop abruptly when she plopped down into the passenger seat. What was the most disgusting thing was what she was wearing. And what she looked like overall. She was wearing jeans that, although she was skinny, were much too tight for my liking. I couldn't help thinking of what Bella would look like in those jeans, and the thought made me smile. Jess thought the smile was meant for her, and her thoughts went hand and hand with her new expression.

_His smile is sooooo hot. I knew he loved me all along, he had just found someone to try to make me jealous about. _

I almost gagged at the thought of ever loving someone other than my bella ever again, let alone her. We had meaningless conversation the whole way there. And I was glad that I didn't have to contribute much, because all she did was talk, and I didn't bother to listen to her annoying voice when she said everything she thought aloud anyway.

We got to the movie just as it was starting. As I expected, she had gotten a pop for us to share, and a large popcorn. We sat near the front, and I heard Jasper and Emmett snickering as them and the Girls slid into seats a few rows back.

_Edward this is going to be hell for me. _Jasper groaned internally. _Your bella is a wreck. I'm going to have to keep her calm the whole movie. Please try to keep jess under control._

Emmett, of course, was highly amused by Bella's reaction, and wanted the opposite of what Jasper wanted (Jess to try to be all over me) but luckily he quickly turned his attention to Rose.

_Edward you have to go along with whatever Jessica wants, no matter how extreme. She thinks you love her over Bella. _Alice was just about shouting at me in her mind.

Jess was gabbing through all of the previews. This was going to be a LONG movie.

**Bella POV**

I cannot believe I went along with this! I couldn't stand to look at her, giggling at him and batting her sparse eyelashes at him. Honestly, who did she think she was to flirt with him like that? And even worse, he was going right along with it! If he hadn't told me he loved me more than life itself, I would have believed that He liked Jessica just as much as I'm sure she liked him.

I could feel tears welling in my eyes as pain and rage overwhelmed me. Jasper leaned over and whispered soothingly, "Bella, if you only knew how disgusted he really feels."

Emmett was falling out of his seat. Jessica had just shoved a handful of popcorn into edward's mouth.

I couldn't bear what happened next. Jess giggled, and Edward stared at her incredulously. She misinturpereted his expression, and she suddenly leaned in to kiss him! She pressed her lips to his, and he didn't stop her.

That did it.

I burst into silent tears, and ran out of the theater, and to the bathroom. Everyone but Rosalie came after me.

**Edward POV **

_Edward! _Rosalie screamed in her head. Jessica still had her lips against mine, and I wasn't allowed to push her away. So I pretended I needed to cough and turned my head away from her sick mouth. _You better get to the bathroom. Bella just started crying and left._

_"_I'm sorry Jess, I really have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." She sighed. "Do you need anything?"

"No edward Im fine," Her cheeks flamed. I got up and ran as fast as I could without attracting suspicion to stand outside of the girl's bathroom. I heard Alice saying soft words to Bella to calm her down.

**Bella POV**

"Bella, its okay, its okay," Alice kept assuring me.

"I'm sorry I'm overreacting, I know it's just a dare." My voice cracked three times. "But how would you feel if it had been Jasper that Jess was kissing?"

"Bella you worry too much. Don't you even understand in the slightest how much Edward cares for you?"

Just then from outside the door Edward was talking to Jasper about me. "She thought you liked her like Jess obviously thought you did," Jasper explained.

"Dammit!" Edward moaned. "I should have known that Bella would feel that way. But it wasn't even a real kiss, I wasn't doing anything. And it was repulsive, anyway."

alice nudged me gently. "Go talk to him!" she urged.

Edward made me feel better very quickly. After all, all that he had to say was that he loved me and very much hated her, and although I felt better, I told him that he shouldn't go to her house after like she had wanted to. And then he kissed me.

"Hey!!" Emmett exclaimed, running over to us again. "I just had THE greatest idea ever."

"Does it involve llamas?"Asked Jasper.

"Yes," Emmett laughed, "and also it might mean Jessica getting tortured. I say, that edward should pretend to..." And he explained the plan to us.


	4. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer and I don't own Twilight.**

**A/N: HEY EVERYONE!! Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I've had a million tests for school and my life's just been really busy with all the homework, but I'm not going to bore you with my life todayyy! (:**

**And to anyone who's reading this; I'm looking for a beta reader! So if you know any good ones please let me know. Also, I'm willing to include reader ideas into my story! SO here's chapter 7.**

**Chapter 7: Mastermind Plan**

"Okay," Emmett announced, continuing. "Edward should pretend that he actually does want to go back to Jessica's after the movie." He paused to look over at me, and I nodded for him to continue. He grinned. "Then, he goes back to her house, and while that's happening Jasper is going to go back to Mike Newton's house in his llama costume. He's going to bring Mike to Jessica's and 'kidnap' her to his house to make her a llama pledge."

"Then what do I do?" Edward asked, confused.

"Shut up, Eddy, I'm getting to that." Emmett was annoyed; he had been on a role. "Anyway, so then Edward escapes out a window, and Jasper and Mike bring Jess to Mike's house. And after that, well, Mike will know what to do." He grinned hugely. Huge enough that a normal person who had never seen him smile would think that it was unnatural. "I'm hoping that Mike will tie Jess up and make her watch infomercials! Muahahahah!!"

Jasper looked worried. "But what about me?" He whimpered. "I don't want to be left there with Mike! That guy's a freak!"

"Jasper, relax," Alice soothed. "I'll keep tabs on you. If Mike decides to do anything, I'll know." It was hilarious how she talked to him as if he were four. "But guys, we gotta hurry. Jess is going to wonder where Edward has gone."

So Edward gave me another short-but-sweet kiss and walked swiftly back into the movie.


	5. chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight.**

**A/N: SO SORRY about the last update. That was inexcusable. This chapter is much longer! ENJOY! 20+ reviews for next chapter. Tell your friends!**

**Chapter 8: plan in action part 1**

So there we were: Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, Emmet and I, hiding by the bathroom at the theater. We had our heads peaked around the corner, and I laughed internally about how our heads were lined straight up and down, just like the movies. I heard Jess laughing before I saw her.

"Edward you are so sweet for inviting me, I'm glad you finally told me how you feel…blah…blahhh…." I didn't bother to listen to any more. Jess was totally oblivious to Edward's uninterested expression and the way he leaned away from her.

"Jessica." Edward loudly interrupted her. "Too much information?" He looked shocked, although I didn't understand why. Jasper and Emmett were falling down laughing, and Rose and Alice were snickering.

I felt left out. "What's so funny? Guys, why are you laughing? GUYS! UGH! WHATEVER."

"Sorry Bella," Emmett groaned, clutching his stomach. "Jessica was blabbing about how much she enjoyed watching the giraffes hump on animal planet. She was trying to imitate the sounds!" He burst out laughing again.

"Wow," Was all I could say. I looked over to Jess and Edward, only to find that they were leaving. "Emmett! Alice! We have to go!" I exclaimed, running and tripping over a soda cup. My vampires seemed to snap out of a stupor, and were soon dragging me back to the car.

"We have to hurry," Alice said, sounding both amused and anxious. "They're almost to Jess'." We got to the Cullen's in only a few minutes. Jasper threw on his poopy llama costume while Alice did his snout face makeup again. Rosalie and Emmett were wiring Mike's house so we could hear and see what was going on inside. And within a few minutes, we were leaving for Mike's.

"I CANT believe you guys are making me do this," Jasper whined.

"Shut up Jasper! You're such a baby! DORA THE EXPLORER is manlier than you," Emmett exclaimed.

"Dora is a wuss! She's so dumb she needs your help to find her stupid backpack!" Jasper retorted.

"DON'T TALK CRAP ABOUT DORA!" Emmett yelled.

"DO YOU WANNA TUSSLE!?"

"BRING IT ON, LLAMA MAN! LET'S DO THIS! RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW."

"GUYS!" Rose shrieked. "We have to get Mike!"

In the midst of the fighting, that Alice seemed to not even notice, I hadn't realize that we had arrived at Mike's house. Unfortunately for him, with a room towards the front of the house, we could see straight into his room already. It was the scariest thing to watch. Mike was wearing a llama shirt and leather bell bottoms, had a muffin in his hand, ketchup smeared all over his face, and was dancing to the Macarena to Animal Planet's 'Meerkats Gone Wild."

It was such a scary sight that not even Emmett could laugh. Alice shoved Jasper out of the car, and locked him out. Jasper slowly approached the house, in all of its overgrown shabbiness. He stood in front of Mike's bedroom window. Mike suddenly stopped dancing and looked at Jasper, and even from the car I could hear his yelping. Mike motioned for Jasper to meet him at the front door.

**Jasper pov **

I trembled. But I knew that I had to follow through with my part of the plan. I stood before the front door, and mike opened it.

"Ah, my friend," He greeted me, bowing his head like a monk. "I knew you would come to me again." He looked at me, with a creepy look in his eye. He stepped aside, and gave me a come-hither look. With no other choice, I stepped inside.


	6. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

**Hey ya'll. It's a Saturday night and as of now I have no plans. Soooo, I'm updating! 50+ reviews for the next chapter. And I'm now accepting anonymous reviews; so if you reeeeally like it but you only have one account you can always leave another ANONYMOUSLY!! :D And as always, constructive criticism is welcome. I hope you like this chapter. I thought about it for a long time. ******

**Disclaimer: I'm not stephenie meyer.**

**Jasper POV**

"Mike, what exactly are we doing?"

"Never mind that darling," Mike said impatiently. "We have to get this over with before my mommy gets home." He grabbed my arm (rather roughly if I might add) and started dragging me down a dark hallway. He gave me a funny look, and I just noticed how tightly he was grabbing my arm. It was enough to hurt a normal human, but of course I barely felt it. He squeezed it tighter, judging my reaction.

It clicked in my head. "OW!" I yelled, overdramatic.

"Darling, when you address me, call me uncle Mike."

"Uncle Mike stop pulling my arm."

"Darling please shut up! I have to hide you from my mom! She doesn't know what I'm going to do with you! She can't find out," he burst into tears.

I rolled my eyes. "Will you please just let go? I'm not going to run away."

"Fine. Follow me," Mike ordered.

At the end of his hallway we stepped through a door and down into the basement. To my surprise, it looked just like any other basement. There were boxes full of old things stacked up, a washer, drier, and a freezer.

"Okay you have to be careful on this part," Mike cautioned, "Be careful not to step on anything."

I was starting to itch in my llama suit. "Yes, uncle Mike," I replied.

Near the corner of Mike's basement there was an unlit candle sitting on a small ledge along the wall. Mike took a match from his pocket, and picking up the candle, lit it. As the ledge was relieved of the weight it swung back into the wall, like a seat in a movie theater after someone sits up. Mike used the ledge as a sort of handle and pushed the wall over, revealing a tunnel that probably went under his backyard. Mike started into the tunnel.

"Well, aren't you coming?" Mike demanded. "Hurry, we're almost out of time!"

My legs felt like jelly. Thoughts of how to kill Mike were racing through my head. Surely he couldn't be planning anything THAT bad, right? I needed to get away. When Mike finally turned away I turned and started running. I would have gotten away, only I tripped over the cord of an antique lamp and it crashed to the floor. I swore under my breath.

"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING!?!?" Mike screeched. He ran back to me and grabbed my nose. "YOU ARE COMING WITH ME WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!"

"I like it," I whimpered. He didn't notice how unnaturally cool my nose was. "I just have diarrhea and it's an emergency."

"Well, I don't believe you," Mike shouted. "Enjoy the turds in your pants because you're not going anywhere." And with that, he pushed me into the tunnel and pushed the wall closed. The tunnel resembled an earthen cave, the way it was dug. I found myself wondering how Mike had found so much time to randomly make a tunnel underground. We mostly walked in silence, except that Mike had a nasty bout of flatulence. Trying to cover it up, he started humming 'The Final Countdown' very loudly. When my eyes started watering from the stench of his farts he suddenly crouched down and took a poop right on the floor.

"Oh my god!" Mike pooping and the orgasmic look on his face while doing so would be in my vampire mind forever.

"That feels sooo good. Oh yeah, yeah. That's the stuff. He started moaning. Oooh it's a big one. Faster! It hurts! Oh my god! Faster! OWW!"

I tried to plug my ears but to no avail. The scent of Mike's poop was like a cloud around me. I started walking away, gagging.

"No don't! I want you to see this," Mike groaned. He straightened up and used the hoof of his costume to wipe his crack. "Now wasn't that refreshing?"

He smiled.

"WASN'T IT!?" He held the dirty hoof up to my face.

"Um, yes Uncle Mike it was amazing," I gulped.

"Okay then, let's keep going." We kept walking for about another minute, coming up to turn. Around the corner there was a huge room and I was floored at what I saw!

Tyler was sitting at a desk, like the ones you see on the news. There were cameras everywhere and a green screen on the wall across from Tyler. There was a button that was blinking 'live' in red lights. There was medical equipment everywhere and a cabinet full of DVDs. There was a HUGE display case filled with sex toys and bondage equipment. There were big couches and a pink, heart-shaped bed. What attracted my eye most was a stage built up with a microphone and a karaoke machine.

Mike squealed. "EHmegod! Tyler you wore your llama outfit today, too!" He rushed over to sit next to Tyler in front of the camera.

"But of course," Tyler replied. "It's perfect for every occasion!" He flipped his hair back and opened a compact mirror. "EHmygod I have thee worst zit ever on my eyelid!"

"Sorry I'm late everyone," Mike said to the camera. "Tonight, after our jewelz-4-cheep segment, we have a special guest and new member of the llama lords association of America and Moscow!"

"EHmygod!" Squeaked Tyler. "Who is thee special guest?"

"Well Tyler," Mike turned to him. "He is thee cutest guy ever."

"Is he cuter than you?" Tyler gave Mike a puppy dog face.

"Aw, thanks snookums. I love you so much." He leaned into tyler and kissed his nose.

"ESKIMO KISSES!" They laughed together and rubbed noses back and forth.

I sat down on one of the couches, feeling faint. What was this? A web show? A tv show?

"Okay back to your question Tyler," Mike exaggerated his deep voice. "His name is Jasper Hale."

He pointed to me, and Tyler finally saw me sitting there. He glared at me, and I felt rolls of envy radiating from him.

"Its time for our break, everyone." Mike announced. Tyler was still glaring at me. "See you in five minutes, and remember, llama suits go on sale after the show!" He smiled again. He clicked a button under the table and the camera's live button stopped flashing.

"Mike, are you cheating on me?" Tylers voice was slow and teenage-girl like.

"No, honey bunch, noo," Mike reassured Tyler. "You are the apple of my eye, and the one I want inside my butt every night."

"Okay, good. So you and Jasper are just friends?"

"Foshizzle!" Mike grinned.

"Okay, I love you!"

"I love you too," Mike replied, and the two boys hugged.

They walked around the desk and over to me, hand in hand. I was hoping Mike would explain to me WHAT was going on! "On commercial breaks, Tyler and I like to earn some extra money. He pointed to the pink bed. Tyler goes over to that bed and strips for a live audience, and I record the songs I sing onstage. It earns us about ten extra dollars a week! Isn't that a lot?"

"Yeah, sure." I said.

"Yeah, sure!" Tyler jumped. He moaned. "It really helps pay for, you know, our nightly entertainment."

I thought of the glass case. Realization dawned on me when Tyler winked. "You know," he continued, "You're always welcome to join us. We have sex every night. There is always room for more. Sometimes Mike's dog joins in."

"Those are my favorite nights," Mike whispered. Then, snapping out of his mood he yelled at Tyler. "Get over to the bed! We only have four minutes and I need to sing my song!"

Tyler galloped for the bed on all fours. WHAT a freak, I thought. Mike pulled me to stand in front of the stage.

"Tonight, I'm singing Puddle of Mud." He winked at me. "This is for you, Jasper darling."

He turned on the background music to their song 'Psycho.'

Mike sang just like Josh Groban, and I could feel the song washing over me.

_Maybe I'm the one, _

_Maybe I'm the one,_

_Who is,_

_A schizophrenic psycho, yeah._

God, what am I getting into?

**I personally loved this song. My playlist for this chapter: Time of the season by Ben Taylor, Here comes goodbye by Rascal Flatts, and Lollipop remix by Framing Harley. And of course, Psycho by puddle of mud. 50+ reviews!! I PROMISE (:**


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